Other Illness When You Have Mental Illness

The universe must be trying to tell me something. It is almost literally beating me over the head to get me to pay attention, but I can’t figure out what exactly I’m supposed to be paying attention to.

Two weeks ago my computer cord suddenly stopped chargning my laptop and I didn’t figure it out until it died in the middle of a project for work. I ran out to Best Buy to buy a new one, came home and charged my computer right up. No problem.

Also two weeks ago Saturday, I started having pain on the left side of my abdomen that my surgeon assured me was unrelated to the gallbladder removal surgery. I had a blood test that indicated the possibility of pancreatitis, but after an ultrasound, that turned out not be the case. My doctor couldn’t give me any answers, and the pain was so bad I wasn’t sleeping. So yesterday afternoon I took myself to the emergency room, where, because of their policies, I sat in pain for four hours while they ran blood tests and did a CT. All the blood tests and my CT came back compoletely normal. When the doctor came to me and said, It’s good news because there’s nothing really bad wrong with you, I started sobbing.

There might be nothing “bad” wrong with me, but I’ve still been in pain for two weeks that’s been getting progressively worse.

When I picked up my laptop to write the first version of this blog post, before I had gone to the ER and gotten ultrasound results, my computer was dead again. This time, it just hadn’t been plugged in.

The charger I had bought at Best Buy was the interchangeable kind that can be used for multiple computers. It comes with a bunch of different adapters depending on the type of computer you have. The adapter for my laptop fit my computer perfectly, but was loose on the charger.

I reached for the cord, but it was wedged between the couch cushions. I pulled and it came free without the little adapter. I reached between the cushions and could feel the adapter. I almost had it when it suddenly plunked into a space in the couch. Turns out my couch, for some unknown and completely unexplainable reason, has a space that goes into the bowels of my couch. It doesn’t go through to the floor, it goes into a mother &%$#*@! black hole of my couch. The only way to get the adapter out is to cut open the fabric on the couch. That’s not happening.

This time I jumped onto amazon and had one overnighted. No computer for at least a day plus a few hours.

So in the course of the last month, my computer has died twice and my body had decided to work against me.

As for my body, I still have no idea what’s wrong with me. I have a prescription for antacids, painkillers, and something that’s supposed to coat my stomach and soothe it. The painkillers aren’t working and now it’s the weekend, so I have to wait until Monday to get anymore tests or possible answers.

The worst part? I feel like a crazy person. The tests are showing that nothing is wrong with me, but I am definitely in pain. And every time I talk to a new doctor and I have to tell them that I’m bipolar, I can just see the wheels turning in their heads. When I told my doctor today that I was having trouble sleeping because of the pain, she suggested sleep meds instead of painkillers. I wanted to scream. Being bipolar saved me from this particular injustice, it’s never a good idea for more than one doctor to prescribe medications that mess with mental health when you’re bipolar. Which is what I told the doctor and since I’m seeing a psychiatrist, she agreed. Thank goodness.

Not that the painkillers are helping. Well shit.

I have an appointment with a gastroenterologist on Monday.

So what is the universe trying to tell me? When things are going wrong over and over in your life, do you question your life choices? Do you wonder if the universe is trying to tell you something? If you do, what do you do to figure it out?

Because reallly, this is getting ridiculous.


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