The shame of a headache

I’m fairly certain I promised coherence today, but I make no guarantees. I am still battling this headache (or another one) and just like yesterday, this day has gotten away from me. I keep picking up the computer to write this post and then getting distracted by something. I picked it up this morning and then realized I needed to do my day job. So I did that for a while and then came to a stopping point and started again, but then E came home for lunch. (No complaints here! He brought home taco Tuesday from his office cafe and I love eating lunch with him.)

So, here I am, after noon and I still haven’t posted today’s blog.

Headaches are on of those things that as a person with mental illness, I both appreciate and am loathe to tell anyone about. Internally, they gave me a physical excuse for laying around. But headaches, like mental illness, are another thing that no one can see. They are a common side effect of mental health meds, lack of sleep, too much sleep, overeating, poor nutrition, etc. When my husband comes home from work and I am curled up on the couch with a blanket over my head, “I have a headache” feels just as shameful as “I’m sad”. Sometimes, the physical symptoms feel worse than the emotional ones, because they extend the amount of time that I’m curled up on the couch in misery without a wound to show for it.

Someday there will be a blood test or some other kind of test that will give everyone with a mental illness a piece of paper that gives physical evidence of their illness. It will be undeniable proof that mental illness does exist. That people suffer with it can’t just pull themselves up by their bootstraps or decide to be happy. And our society will have to take a hard look at the lack of support in this country for people with mental illness.

Because of the very late post yesterday, I have absolutely no knitting progress to show you. I still have one finished sock and some amount of the shawl done. I have a hard time knitting with a headache. I will endeavor to have something to show tomorrow. Although, I have a feeling we’re all going to be sick of that shawl by the time it’s done.

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