Monday turns to Tuesday turns to Wednesday. I can’t keep up with the passing days. Today I finally see the psychiatrist for more than 10 minutes and he is called away by a page from the ER. I was that patient in the ER just two days ago. I cannot begrudge that page. (I do anyway.)
There is no therapy here – only watchful eyes and med changes – but not too fast. Can I hang out here to let him see how these meds work? Hang out – literally languish – sleeping, eating, punctuated by one hour visits, my books, and my words. What do I hope to gain here? What am I doing except taking an excuse to do nothing? I am doing here what I was already doing at home – only here there is less to do. I am wandering, useful to no one, but alive because that is what society tells me I am supposed to be – not necessarily because of any true desire to live from within.
I certainly will not find that here.
- Kaseman Behavioral Health Hospital: My Story (mentalillnessbytes.wordpress.com)
- Kaseman Behavioral Health Hospital Part I: ER (mentalillnessbytes.wordpress.com)
- Kaseman Behavioral Health Part II: Admitted (mentalillnessbytes.wordpress.com)