Let Me Be Clear

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It has come to my attention that I need to clarify a few things regarding my last post and my goal here.

Millions of people suffer in silence every day. They tell people they are fine, okay, hanging in there, getting along, busy, tired, not feeling well, under the weather, in a rut, overwhelmed, or any of another hundred things that are partial truths and downright lies.

Mental Illness is not popular. People do no want to look at it, admit they have it, are married to it, gave birth to it, were birthed from it, grew up with it, or are in any way related to it. People think it’s their fault. They are embarrassed by it. They are frightened by it. Just like with anything else that isn’t quickly or easily understandable or quantifiable, we stigmatize it. We make it other. We separate it from ourselves so that it is easier to ignore, blame on someone else, and cover up.

My goal here is to be uncovered, found out, and understood. I want to help people understand what the mind of a person with mental illness is like. My diagnoses are not as important as my symptoms and the simple fact that I am a person with mental illness. My experience is not like every other person who has mental illness, but there are enough similarities to help everyone who knows anyone who struggles with mental illness. It is those similarities that I am seeking to draw out of myself and present to the world.

I want you to see through my eyes, if only for a moment, so that you can understand better, respond better, feel better, and be more able to help the people in your life who are suffering. I am not trying to make you a suicide hotline. I am trying to help you hear better, so that those people in your life can feel heard and less alone. Because feeling alone is one thing we all have in common.

Regarding yesterday’s post, I am not reaching out for help. I have a team of people in my life who are doing their best to help me – husband, psychiatrist, counselor, doctor. They are my line of defense against the ugliest parts of myself. They help me, save me from myself. Ultimately only I can do that, but they are my support system and they are getting darn good at it.

I guess what I’m saying is, worry if you must, but know that whatever words I leave here for you to read are simply so you can see my and others’ predicament more clearly.

For my family and friends, I welcome you into a deeper understanding of me. You can ask me questions, comment here, and in general engage with me on this and any topic. But, and I say this with my heart in my hand, I am not looking for you to call 911 and send them my way. I love you and I look forward to you knowing me better.

I welcome you into my world.

Thank you for visiting.

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